Hello Interwebs! I am somewhat new to the whole blogging thing so pardon any flubs or bumps in the road that are going to happen in the beginning of this thing.
In this blog I will be watching bad movies (which I love doing) and providing unique commentary and reviews of them.
I have a nasty habit of watching bad movies and reviewing them. I’m not talking cult films like “The Room” (we’ve all been there) and/or movies everyone knows is bad like fucking Gigli. I venture way back and dig deep within the libraries of MGM, Paramount, and various defunct studios (Canon Films lol) to find the shittiest of the shit. Today I want to share my favorite horrible movie with you guys.
For my first review, I will be analyzing the 1980 train wreck known as “The Apple”. This movie is special to me for several reasons. The first time I saw this movie was in the summer of 2008 at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX. The Alamo Ritz has a weekly concept known as Weird Wednesday in which obscure movies from cinema’s past are screened for the enjoyment of an audience that can appreciate them for what they are. When I saw The Apple with a group of very special friends, I had no idea how much it would impact me. I have watched the film several times since then and shown it to many more people who were all highly entertained by it. This movie has a strange power to bring people together to celebrate what movies are meant to do; entertain you.
In an attempt to emulate the success of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, director Menahem Golan tried to make his name known in the 1980 musical, The Apple. This movie, set in the “future” (1994), follows a couple of talented Canadians (Alphie and Bibi) beginning with their performance in the 1994 Worldvision Song Festival. Their competition is stiff. A group backed by the BIM (Boogalow International Music) uses underhanded tactics to defeat the Candaian duo. Even though they lose, the CEO of the BIM takes interest in them. He invites them the the BIM headquarters to sign them to a contract, but after Alphie (George Gilmour) has a vision of what is to come (in sing-song of course), he refuses and tries to get Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart) to do the same. Bibi ends up signing the contract and Alphie, while still very pissed off with Bibi, escorts her to a BIM party. The BIMdoctrination of Bibi begins………
BIM becomes the most popular thing in the world, and their popularity combined with sleazy business practices allows them to become a government entity of sorts. They require everyone to wear a “BIM mark”, which is a sticker that one must wear at all times. This law is enforced by BIM police. They also force everyone to have a daily “routine” to the BIM anthem played over loudspeakers in cities everywhere.
Alphie, who has the acting ability of a community theater lead playing Hamlet, struggles to get Bibi to escape the BIM. It becomes apparent that Bibi is beginning to have second thoughts about signing her contract, but after caving into peer pressure at yet another BIM party, Bibi gives her body to the BIM. Alphie attempts to crash one of the many BIM parties and ends up getting drugged. He then crashes through a wall or a mirror or something and catches Bibi sleeping with a member of the BIM band. This all happens during one of the most provocative sequences in a musical ever. Make sure you listen to the lyrics.
After an altercation with some of the BIM top dogs, Bibi escapes the BIM and takes refuge with a bunch of hippies. Alphie had ran to them before to escape the BIM after he caught Bibi being a whore, and Bibi discovers him there. They re-unite, get married, and then the hippie leader takes everyone “home”. The ending sequence is quite hilarious, and can only be fully understood through a viewing of it.
This following clip is the song from the end of the movie, but not the entire ending.
I was recently able to get in touch with one of the actors in the film who I will not name. He was not hesitant at all to tell me that he still has yet to see the full film and that it was billed as one of the worst movies ever at the time of its release.
Needless to say, this movie is horrible, but this is quite possibly one of the best bad movies ever made, right up there with Mortal Kombat Annihilation. The music is horrible, the storyline is obviously horrendous, and the choreography is laughably bad. While it is terrible in many aspects, the entertainment value of this movie exceeds that of many major recent blockbusters.
From left to right: BIM Bodyguard, BIM CEO Mr. Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal), Shake (Ray Shell)
I urge you all to find a copy of The Apple on DVD and watch it. This is one to own if you are a bad movie buff.
